Medication, Hospitalization and Stabilization . . .

After hearing some very disturbing news over the past week, the psychiatrist first tried a new medication (which didn't make enough of a difference) and then recommended that we have Sarah hospitalized. A visit to the psychiatrist every few weeks for a 1/2 hour (even once a week) just wasn't doing enough to make a difference. Those are tough words to hear even when you know they are coming.

We spent hours in the ER on Friday while we waited for the team to evaluate her. There were so many other kids there. So many look just like everyone else around them and even act fine for periods of time. You might not know just to look at them that something is wrong. I heard another mother say "looks can be deceiving" and I understood exactly how she felt. The team there didn't really agree with the diagnoses, or possible diagnoses, given by her own psychiatrist but they also felt that she needed, at a minimum, further evaluation. After a night in the extension to the children's hospital, they were able to find her a bed in a psychiatric unit for kids her age. This is a surprisingly difficult task . . . no where near enough beds . . . and, my guess is that it's true for adults, too.

When I heard that they had found a place, suddenly I started questioning it . . . what if she's making it all up? Maybe it's not as bad as it really seems. I do know it is as bad as it really seems and it was the right decision but it's not an easy one. Sarah seemed almost happy to be in the ER and the extension and even seemed to enjoy the trip to the hospital. It wasn't until she realized that I was leaving that she started to get sad. I think reality was starting to set in.

The average stay in the unit is about two weeks. Our hope is that they will adjust her medication (or change it completely) and that they will be able to stabilize her and that she will learn some coping mechanisms to deal with the anger that she has. After she rages, she often will be extremely apologetic and talk about how she doesn't want to act that way. She just can't seem to find a way to stop.

There are days when I think that she wants to act the way that she does or that she can control the way she is acting. It's hard to admit that she really can't help all of it. I do believe that she can help some of it . . . just not all of it. Between the meds and the therapy, they are trying to find ways to stop what she can't stop herself and give her tools to stop the things that she can.

I can't thank my friends and family enough for their prayers and support. It really does mean so much.


Pam